“There may have been signs of healing for my entire "system," but to Sherry the loss of Louise's constant attention was a definite step backward. It didn't matter that there might be some light at the end of my healing tunnel, for Sherry the damage had been done. For the two years following the Louise experience, Sherry hardly ever spoke. In fact, she rarely told anyone who she was ever again. Clearly, she felt betrayed and lost.
“The final blow came one day when I went to give Louise a copy of my therapy tape. I had been giving Louise these tapes of my therapy sessions so that she could understand me better. On a cold February day, I took the tape to her house. She let me know that she had not been listening to them. She then told me that she had seen a TV show that was critical of claims made by victims of ritual abuse. She now wondered what my mind was capable of making up. It felt to the parts that she quit believing in me, even though it was possible she was just thinking out loud.
“I was completely devastated by this discussion. I went to Dixie's house, only to find that she was quite ill. I really shouldn't have been there but I was so desperate I wasn't able to think clearly enough to make a different choice. True to form, Dixie was so kind and she reinforced that Louise was not knowledgeable about what was happening in therapy. She told me that Louise really did care about me, and suggested that I consider the possibility that maybe Louise just couldn't handle all of this.
“I went from Dixie's house to the hills where I laid on the ground, curled up in a ball, and sobbed and sobbed. When I couldn't sob anymore, I went to Audrey's house where I told her a short, two minute version of these recent events and she said, "Louise called me." I was shocked! Louise had never called any of my friends before to compare notes. She called worried that she had totally destroyed me.” (My Tears Fall Inside, pages 123-124)
Louise really did care for me and although she was wonderful and supportive to many people, she could not handle my memories and was therefore unable to give the support that I needed.
Many times our challenges are overwhelming and we cannot cope with them alone. In my case, the memories, nightmares, and flashbacks were so horrific, that I was literally going through a very real personal holocaust. Thankfully, God had sent others who He made strong enough to handle my pain.
Who has blessed your life, when things got too much for you?
“The final blow came one day when I went to give Louise a copy of my therapy tape. I had been giving Louise these tapes of my therapy sessions so that she could understand me better. On a cold February day, I took the tape to her house. She let me know that she had not been listening to them. She then told me that she had seen a TV show that was critical of claims made by victims of ritual abuse. She now wondered what my mind was capable of making up. It felt to the parts that she quit believing in me, even though it was possible she was just thinking out loud.
“I was completely devastated by this discussion. I went to Dixie's house, only to find that she was quite ill. I really shouldn't have been there but I was so desperate I wasn't able to think clearly enough to make a different choice. True to form, Dixie was so kind and she reinforced that Louise was not knowledgeable about what was happening in therapy. She told me that Louise really did care about me, and suggested that I consider the possibility that maybe Louise just couldn't handle all of this.
“I went from Dixie's house to the hills where I laid on the ground, curled up in a ball, and sobbed and sobbed. When I couldn't sob anymore, I went to Audrey's house where I told her a short, two minute version of these recent events and she said, "Louise called me." I was shocked! Louise had never called any of my friends before to compare notes. She called worried that she had totally destroyed me.” (My Tears Fall Inside, pages 123-124)
Louise really did care for me and although she was wonderful and supportive to many people, she could not handle my memories and was therefore unable to give the support that I needed.
Many times our challenges are overwhelming and we cannot cope with them alone. In my case, the memories, nightmares, and flashbacks were so horrific, that I was literally going through a very real personal holocaust. Thankfully, God had sent others who He made strong enough to handle my pain.
Who has blessed your life, when things got too much for you?
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