WHAT IS LOVE?

     “Louise was the one person with whom Sherry readily responded. The fact that there was a growing separation from Louise was a difficult and very painful challenge for Sherry and other child parts because they had come to think of Louise's love as a constant in life. Several of these parts became confused by Louise's actions and wrote:

WHAT IS LOVE?
(By Sherry, Little One, Rebeckah, Angel, Deb, etc. - 1993)
 
I’m still sad,
One more time.
I’m all mixed up
And I can’t figure out how to fix it.
 
The problem is all about love.
I’m mixed up about what it is.
How can I know
When it is safe,
Or when it is scary?

I know about one kind of love.
I know about Jesus’ love.
His love is always safe.
His love is always close.
His love is always there.
 
His love is always soft.
His love is always warm.
His love is always waiting
Just for me.
His love is all the way full.
 
But I don’t understand,
Not one bit,
About other kinds of love.
If it doesn’t feel like His love,
Then it’s always very scary to me.
 
Am I just stupid
Cuz I don’t understand
Different kinds of love?
I want to be smart.
I want to understand but I don’t.
 
To me it seems like there is only love
Like His,
Or else there is hate.
I know about hate, too.
I don’t know about stuff in between.
 
When I get fixed
Will I know about love then--
Even all kinds of love?
I hope I’m not too wrecked
To get fixed some day.

 I think I am just stupid,
'cuz I should know better
than to love people,
or to think
they could ever love me!
       
I’m scared to let you know
how little I really am inside.
I’m scared if you know
how much I love you,
then you’ll want to run away, too.
 
I’m also mixed up
cuz I don’t know
how to love people
just a little bit.
When I love, I love all the way close.

How can I learn
about different kinds of love?
I don’t trust people love.
It’s still too new to me,
so I just don’t understand.

     “It is interesting to note how the trauma of feeling betrayed and "tricked" was handled. I didn't split off another part to deal with this new trauma. Quite the opposite, I was able to draw from the strength of several inner parts in order to process the pain. Several parts collaborated to write and to respond to the trauma. Only as my parts could learn to combine their strengths would I be healed from the fragmented world I was living in. And here was proof that healing was beginning to take shape. Even in the midst of this devastating loss of a relationship, there were signs of healing. They were signs that I missed at the time, but they were present nonetheless.” (My Tears Fall Inside,  pages 120-122)