"Over the course of many years I went from the misery of being a fragmented personality to a highly functioning and joyful person. So how did my healing process begin?
"As an adult in my mid-thirties, I was unaware of what my 'Cinderella Slippers' meant. I had no conscious memory of the serious problems when I was a child. . .
"I was perplexed and disturbed when my older sister started to have memories of childhood sexual abuse. She called me a few times. . . These few phone calls upset me deeply.
"On one hand I didn't think my sister was a liar, on the other hand I simply did not believe that it was possible for a person to forget such horrible things. I felt bad for her, but I could not stand to hear her talk about this crazy part of her life. She eventually quit calling because she sensed my distaste for the conversations. In our last phone conversation she mentioned the word, 'triggers.'
"Having never heard the word in connection with abuse, I asked, 'What are triggers?' She informed me, 'A trigger is where you have fear or a panic attack from something and you don't know where it came from.'"
"I didn't say anything out loud, but my heart sank and I thought, 'Oh my Gosh! Is that what all that is?' I knew that I had experienced many episodes of unexplained panic and extremely intense fear, but until that conversation, I had never associated my experiences with the word, 'trigger,' and the possibility that these episodes could relate to some forgotten childhood trauma. This really bothered me." (My Tears Fall Inside, pages 52-53)
Sometimes the act of discovery is a difficult and painful process. At this point, I figured out that something terrible must have happened to me to cause all of the reactions I was experiencing. However, I didn't remember anything. So I decided to leave well enough alone and just be glad I couldn't remember. Unfortunately, in my case, this plan of action (or inaction) couldn't be maintained permanently.
"As an adult in my mid-thirties, I was unaware of what my 'Cinderella Slippers' meant. I had no conscious memory of the serious problems when I was a child. . .
"I was perplexed and disturbed when my older sister started to have memories of childhood sexual abuse. She called me a few times. . . These few phone calls upset me deeply.
"On one hand I didn't think my sister was a liar, on the other hand I simply did not believe that it was possible for a person to forget such horrible things. I felt bad for her, but I could not stand to hear her talk about this crazy part of her life. She eventually quit calling because she sensed my distaste for the conversations. In our last phone conversation she mentioned the word, 'triggers.'
"Having never heard the word in connection with abuse, I asked, 'What are triggers?' She informed me, 'A trigger is where you have fear or a panic attack from something and you don't know where it came from.'"
"I didn't say anything out loud, but my heart sank and I thought, 'Oh my Gosh! Is that what all that is?' I knew that I had experienced many episodes of unexplained panic and extremely intense fear, but until that conversation, I had never associated my experiences with the word, 'trigger,' and the possibility that these episodes could relate to some forgotten childhood trauma. This really bothered me." (My Tears Fall Inside, pages 52-53)
Sometimes the act of discovery is a difficult and painful process. At this point, I figured out that something terrible must have happened to me to cause all of the reactions I was experiencing. However, I didn't remember anything. So I decided to leave well enough alone and just be glad I couldn't remember. Unfortunately, in my case, this plan of action (or inaction) couldn't be maintained permanently.
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