“As a result of Dixie's departure, these troubled child parts who had gotten used to working through their pain with the help of a loving ‘mom,’ felt desperately alone again and re-traumatized.
“When Dixie and her husband had to return home due to health problems after only three months on their mission, parts were elated. However, Dixie had learned that she could no longer handle the physical and emotional stress associated with sympathetically re-living my ritual abuse. So our relationship had to change. As a result of that change I decided I was healed and no longer needed help from anyone. I even quit therapy and didn’t discover until months later that parts within had decided to keep their pain hidden away. Within a couple of months of the relationship change with Dixie, my pain was successfully obscured, and I was once again unable to cry and to feel the depths of my emotions, a condition similar to the way my healing journey had started.
“At first, I was disappointed in this setback because it seemed I was falling back into patterns of numbness that I had worked so hard to overcome. Soon, however, I concluded that I wasn't regressing after all; I was actually healed! . . . I mistook my lack of pain for the final resolution of a very long, painful process. I thought I was finally beyond my misery.
“Taking nothing away from the progress I had made with the help of [Dixie], my celebration was premature. I so desperately wanted to be healed that I failed to recognize the simple fact that the child parts inside of me were still traumatized, still in need of warmth and safety, and still surrounded by a darkness purposely placed there by a ruthless enemy. It soon became clear that I had taken three years to ascend one arduous ‘mountain peak’ in my healing, only to see the next one looming even larger.” (The Silent Cries, pages 12-13)
“When Dixie and her husband had to return home due to health problems after only three months on their mission, parts were elated. However, Dixie had learned that she could no longer handle the physical and emotional stress associated with sympathetically re-living my ritual abuse. So our relationship had to change. As a result of that change I decided I was healed and no longer needed help from anyone. I even quit therapy and didn’t discover until months later that parts within had decided to keep their pain hidden away. Within a couple of months of the relationship change with Dixie, my pain was successfully obscured, and I was once again unable to cry and to feel the depths of my emotions, a condition similar to the way my healing journey had started.
“At first, I was disappointed in this setback because it seemed I was falling back into patterns of numbness that I had worked so hard to overcome. Soon, however, I concluded that I wasn't regressing after all; I was actually healed! . . . I mistook my lack of pain for the final resolution of a very long, painful process. I thought I was finally beyond my misery.
“Taking nothing away from the progress I had made with the help of [Dixie], my celebration was premature. I so desperately wanted to be healed that I failed to recognize the simple fact that the child parts inside of me were still traumatized, still in need of warmth and safety, and still surrounded by a darkness purposely placed there by a ruthless enemy. It soon became clear that I had taken three years to ascend one arduous ‘mountain peak’ in my healing, only to see the next one looming even larger.” (The Silent Cries, pages 12-13)
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