UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS

     “It seemed that every step forward came in spite of several parts of me who were pulling in the opposite direction. Each of my parts was doing its job. They were created and split off from me in order to protect me from the awful trauma. Now in the process of re-addressing the trauma, I was being confronted by those same parts who were threatened by the changes I was making in my life:

YOU’RE BEING VULNERABLE
(By Numb Nancy, grown up - 1992)
 
I’m scared.
You are starting to trust
some people.
You even believe they love you.
Don’t you know
how dangerous that is?
 
Someone like me
better protect you
from yourself.
When you let go of emotion,
you become too vulnerable.
That frightens me.

Numb is much safer.
If you get angry,
someone will hurt you.
If you cry
you might not be able to stop.
I don’t like that.

So don’t get mad at me.
I have to block you
for a time.
You’re being vulnerable
and your trust in others
terrifies me.

     “It wasn't long before Numb Nancy's concerns were put to the test. I soon discovered that some ‘healing’ relationships can be painful. I entered a relationship with a caring, Christian woman in order to find another ‘team’ member in my healing journey. I discovered, however, that not all good Christians have the same capacity or ability to serve, and that it was possible to become my own stumbling block by beginning a relationship with unrealistic expectations about the other person.” (My Tears Fall Inside, pages 105-106)

     Relationships can be difficult and one of the most common breeding grounds for problems comes with unrealistic expectations. Life is viewed from a personal perspective and our own experiences shape the way we think it is supposed to look. Since each person’s life is unique, what one person thinks is “normal” may look completely different to a friend or spouse. In these instances it is helpful to remember that “different” is not necessarily the same thing as “bad.”