“Two weeks after Dixie's departure, I had a dream. In this dream I was in my bedroom talking to her and I was acutely aware that she was somehow home from her mission. It was a long, involved dream but I learned that she and Guy were forced to come home due to some medical problems. In this dream, she had returned very soon after having left, and she and Guy were eventually assigned to a mission closer to home. In this dream, I remembered how God had been telling me that it was not yet time for me to be separated from her, and that I was to wait and see how this would be accomplished.
“Once Dixie left, I immediately started an intense letter-writing campaign and these epistles were very lengthy and heartfelt. . .
“My letters were dripping with the unfulfilled needs of the children within me, and I wondered how Dixie was reacting when she read them, as she and Guy served on the tiny Tongan island of Va Vau. The postal service to and from this island was not the most efficient, and it would take her letters 3-4 weeks to reach me. My letters to her contained pleas similar to this:
“Tonight I miss you so much! Tonight especially [after group] it is hard! I miss your gentleness and love. I miss not coming to your house! I miss your arms and your smile. I miss not getting to talk to you with all the different parts! I miss crying and laughing with you all at the same time! I miss putting my head on a pillow in your lap and having your hand on my hair. . . . And I’m very sad! [then a child part comes out to say] . . . 'Some of me wants to run way far away and hide where nobody can ever find me!! . . .'” (My Tears Fall Inside, pages 165-167)
I was struggling with very real and extremely traumatized young children within. They were not only traumatized by their abuse issues, but now they were also devastated over what felt like abandonment from their Dixie Mom. It was a very heartbreaking world for them and it was enormously difficult for me to cope with because the child parts were so dominant during this time that it was almost impossible for me to view my world from an adult perspective.
“Once Dixie left, I immediately started an intense letter-writing campaign and these epistles were very lengthy and heartfelt. . .
“My letters were dripping with the unfulfilled needs of the children within me, and I wondered how Dixie was reacting when she read them, as she and Guy served on the tiny Tongan island of Va Vau. The postal service to and from this island was not the most efficient, and it would take her letters 3-4 weeks to reach me. My letters to her contained pleas similar to this:
“Tonight I miss you so much! Tonight especially [after group] it is hard! I miss your gentleness and love. I miss not coming to your house! I miss your arms and your smile. I miss not getting to talk to you with all the different parts! I miss crying and laughing with you all at the same time! I miss putting my head on a pillow in your lap and having your hand on my hair. . . . And I’m very sad! [then a child part comes out to say] . . . 'Some of me wants to run way far away and hide where nobody can ever find me!! . . .'” (My Tears Fall Inside, pages 165-167)
I was struggling with very real and extremely traumatized young children within. They were not only traumatized by their abuse issues, but now they were also devastated over what felt like abandonment from their Dixie Mom. It was a very heartbreaking world for them and it was enormously difficult for me to cope with because the child parts were so dominant during this time that it was almost impossible for me to view my world from an adult perspective.
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