“Because the sources of my pain ranged from a troubled marriage to childhood sexual abuse to violent ritual abuse, I was ‘fortunate’ to have a spectrum of experiences that I could share with people without getting into the deepest of the deep or the darkest of the dark. It wasn't unusual for me to have very serious, in-depth discussions with some people and still only scratch the surface of my experiences. Certain parts of me also knew they couldn't come out in open discussion unless there was an emotionally safe environment. They knew that it took a very high trust level in order to emerge and be heard, so they mostly stayed hidden inside.
“For this reason it took a long time to open up to Sarah. When I finally started to let Sarah into my world, it was at a time when I was uncovering memories that were particularly painful and wrenching. In one therapy session, I remembered some very violent and sadistic activities in which I had been forced to participate. I recalled having cloth put around my neck, then a rope on top of the cloth (apparently to prevent leaving a rope mark). I was then hung by my neck until I passed out.
“Included in the same memory, I saw my older sister being held at knifepoint. I was told that I needed to cooperate and participate in something horrible or they would kill my sister. After discovering these memories I thought I was completely insane. I could not imagine that anyone would hang a child by the neck, so I thought of these memories as somehow the product of a crazy mind - mine!” (My Tears Fall Inside, page 126-127)
Sometimes we can “know” people for many years without really knowing them. They do not let us into their real world. Since that was the way I handled nearly every relationship for most of my life, I had done the same thing with Sarah. Until this time, she had no idea of what I was actually going through, even though she had known me for a very long time.
How can we develop trusting relationships with others so they can feel safe enough to open up to us and we can be a loving support to them?
“For this reason it took a long time to open up to Sarah. When I finally started to let Sarah into my world, it was at a time when I was uncovering memories that were particularly painful and wrenching. In one therapy session, I remembered some very violent and sadistic activities in which I had been forced to participate. I recalled having cloth put around my neck, then a rope on top of the cloth (apparently to prevent leaving a rope mark). I was then hung by my neck until I passed out.
“Included in the same memory, I saw my older sister being held at knifepoint. I was told that I needed to cooperate and participate in something horrible or they would kill my sister. After discovering these memories I thought I was completely insane. I could not imagine that anyone would hang a child by the neck, so I thought of these memories as somehow the product of a crazy mind - mine!” (My Tears Fall Inside, page 126-127)
Sometimes we can “know” people for many years without really knowing them. They do not let us into their real world. Since that was the way I handled nearly every relationship for most of my life, I had done the same thing with Sarah. Until this time, she had no idea of what I was actually going through, even though she had known me for a very long time.
How can we develop trusting relationships with others so they can feel safe enough to open up to us and we can be a loving support to them?
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