“Everyday life in 1991 was like being in the thick of the "battle," a nine year battle to find myself and to become whole. My journal entries and writings paint a picture of the day-to-day combat in which I was engaged. The battlefield included the territories of my disintegrating marriage, my therapy sessions, and the mine-field of my emerging memories. It was beyond my ability to cope with alone, which is why God prepared and sent people into my life. 1991 was the year I started to catch a glimpse of the warmth and endless, unconditional love God had prepared in the hearts of my neighbors and friends.
“As I carefully and cautiously forged therapeutic relationships with people around me, I was constantly asking the questions:
"‘Do you think I'm bad?’"
"‘Do you think I'm crazy?’"
"‘Do you hate me?’"
“Throughout the cult abuse, cult members purposely made me feel like I was part of their evil, thus I was constantly asking whether or not people thought I was worthy of love. The reason I had to ask repeatedly was because different parts within me had to be reassured, and simply asking the question once to satisfy one part didn't cover all of the need. This issue was one that became imbedded in me very early in life as the cult incorporated it into my experience.” (My Tears Fall Inside, pages 135-136)
It is important to note that it was always young child parts who thought they were bad, crazy, or hated. Those little children had become convinced through professional brainwashing that they were unlovable. It took years of kindness from others to help eradicate some of those negative beliefs in individual child parts.
Thankfully, most people are not subject to professional brainwashing. However, everyone has heard critical comments from peers or authority figures at some time in their life. These negative comments are often believed by the recipients and affect the victim’s self-perception for many years—often into adulthood. For this reason, it is enormously important that we treat those around us with kindness, that we think about what we are going to say—before we say it—and that we try to use words which will build those around us.
“As I carefully and cautiously forged therapeutic relationships with people around me, I was constantly asking the questions:
"‘Do you think I'm bad?’"
"‘Do you think I'm crazy?’"
"‘Do you hate me?’"
“Throughout the cult abuse, cult members purposely made me feel like I was part of their evil, thus I was constantly asking whether or not people thought I was worthy of love. The reason I had to ask repeatedly was because different parts within me had to be reassured, and simply asking the question once to satisfy one part didn't cover all of the need. This issue was one that became imbedded in me very early in life as the cult incorporated it into my experience.” (My Tears Fall Inside, pages 135-136)
It is important to note that it was always young child parts who thought they were bad, crazy, or hated. Those little children had become convinced through professional brainwashing that they were unlovable. It took years of kindness from others to help eradicate some of those negative beliefs in individual child parts.
Thankfully, most people are not subject to professional brainwashing. However, everyone has heard critical comments from peers or authority figures at some time in their life. These negative comments are often believed by the recipients and affect the victim’s self-perception for many years—often into adulthood. For this reason, it is enormously important that we treat those around us with kindness, that we think about what we are going to say—before we say it—and that we try to use words which will build those around us.
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