TELL?

     “1991 was the year my healing process went into full swing, the year I became acquainted with Dixie, and the year I learned that Audrey was such a true soul. Near the end of that year I began to open up to friends and church leaders, not knowing that there would be painful times ahead that would test the limits of my ability to trust. That was the year I started to open up to Louise, a relationship that would be a painful learning experience for me. It was also the year I was able to recognize I had to begin talking and sharing with others in spite of the programmed conflict that was raging inside of me. But even as I recognized the need, it was a very difficult thing to do, and it was difficult every time I opened my mouth.
     “Sometimes I would sit for several hours with one of my friends before I could open up to them. As I sat, I would fight through thoughts such as, ‘If I share the horror I am remembering, it might be the last straw. Could someone still love me if they knew THIS about me?’ It was case by case, session by session, and it never got easier:  

“TELL?
(1991)
 
“My insides quiver and my hands shake
as I tell people
what happened to me.
 
“What if they don’t believe me?
What if they think it’s my fault?
What if they think I deserve it?
 
“These dark secrets have
trapped me inside
for years.
 
“I have to escape
or I’ll drown in the depths of my own fears,
unable to take a stand.
 
“Will they still love me
even after
I’ve shared my heartache?
 
“Or will they misunderstand,
thinking I do it for spite or to manipulate,
instead of to heal.”

(My Tears Fall Inside, pages 137-139) 

     How many others feel the way I felt, desperately needing a listening ear, but terrified they will be misunderstood or judged?