“Because this particular memory, if it was a memory, involved another person, I realized there was the possibility of corroboration. But not wanting to taint mine or my sister's thoughts on the matter, I didn't want to speak to her directly. In fact, for the entire time I was in therapy, I rarely spoke to my sister because I was afraid of mistakenly implanting ‘false memories’ that shouldn't have been there. In addition, while I was going through therapy, I was very careful to avoid reading about or exposing myself to anything having to do with ritual abuse. It wasn't necessarily because I was trying to prove anything to anyone; it was simply that I didn't feel I could afford to have anyone else's thoughts in my head at the time. I felt crazy enough as it was.
“With regards to this memory of hanging, however, I felt I needed some corroboration because I was beginning to believe I was quite insane. Rather than speak to her directly, I called her husband and asked if he could simply ask his wife if she had had any memories of me being hung. He said he would ask her.
“My sister called me back to say:
“Yes, I did have a memory like that. In fact, my memory is that I saw you hanging and I had a knife at my throat. I had tried to run away and they caught me. They brought me back and made you hang as my punishment for having run away. I thought I had made this memory up because you are still alive."
“Until this discussion with my sister, I had never considered the possibility that we had both been threatened and coerced by the cult members using our relationship with each other to ensure cooperation.” (My Tears Fall Inside, pages 127-128)
I was very upset by the confirmation of this memory through my sister. It would have been so much easier to believe that I was just crazy than to have the memory substantiated. My sister and I were going to different therapists in different counties at this time. There was no possible way that these ideas were put into our heads by our therapists. Also, the fact that we saw the same event from different aspects was an additional proof of their reality.
If you are struggling to heal consider some of the many avenues of healing. I just discovered a new website, www.healthhealing andwholeness.com. Perhaps this will give you a direction that might help you.
“With regards to this memory of hanging, however, I felt I needed some corroboration because I was beginning to believe I was quite insane. Rather than speak to her directly, I called her husband and asked if he could simply ask his wife if she had had any memories of me being hung. He said he would ask her.
“My sister called me back to say:
“Yes, I did have a memory like that. In fact, my memory is that I saw you hanging and I had a knife at my throat. I had tried to run away and they caught me. They brought me back and made you hang as my punishment for having run away. I thought I had made this memory up because you are still alive."
“Until this discussion with my sister, I had never considered the possibility that we had both been threatened and coerced by the cult members using our relationship with each other to ensure cooperation.” (My Tears Fall Inside, pages 127-128)
I was very upset by the confirmation of this memory through my sister. It would have been so much easier to believe that I was just crazy than to have the memory substantiated. My sister and I were going to different therapists in different counties at this time. There was no possible way that these ideas were put into our heads by our therapists. Also, the fact that we saw the same event from different aspects was an additional proof of their reality.
If you are struggling to heal consider some of the many avenues of healing. I just discovered a new website, www.healthhealing andwholeness.com. Perhaps this will give you a direction that might help you.
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