“We spent more than four hours talking and driving. At some point we simply parked the car in a parking lot. She put her arm around me and reassured me saying, ‘Shawna, you have never, never been a burden. In fact, you are always a delight to talk to.’”
“Still doubting, I asked, ‘But do you think Dixie is feeling too much burden?’ With an earnest look on her face, she said,
"‘When I talk to Dixie, she is absolutely delighted by your child parts, Shawna. She loves their innocence, their purity, even their sadness. It is always a delight to talk to you because you never demand time. You need time but you never demand time because you are so afraid of rejection. It is a joy for us to try to meet those needs because these are terrified little children, not some person who is being demanding.’”
“By the time we were through, we were laughing and joking. After the episode with Louise, my separation from her was gradual but tangible. I decided it was an unhealthy relationship and as hard as it was for me, I started pulling away. The parts' great need for Louise to understand them was a great impetus for my writing, and I wrote a long, sad piece to her that I never sent. Of course, when the child parts wrote, they had no comprehension of the adult perspective that came much later. They only knew of their pain and sadness.” (My Tears Fall Inside, pages 115)
It took a long time for child parts to “get over” my decision to pull away from Louise, but it was an important step in my healing. Though Louise had no intention of causing me problems, the relationship just did not work. When relationships don’t “work,” there are many things we can do to heal from our hurts. Sometimes we can write a letter to the person—that we do not send—in order to express all of our feelings. In my case, child parts wrote a long poem. I will include just a segment of that poem in my next blog.
What are some of the ways you have used to resolve relationship issues?
“Still doubting, I asked, ‘But do you think Dixie is feeling too much burden?’ With an earnest look on her face, she said,
"‘When I talk to Dixie, she is absolutely delighted by your child parts, Shawna. She loves their innocence, their purity, even their sadness. It is always a delight to talk to you because you never demand time. You need time but you never demand time because you are so afraid of rejection. It is a joy for us to try to meet those needs because these are terrified little children, not some person who is being demanding.’”
“By the time we were through, we were laughing and joking. After the episode with Louise, my separation from her was gradual but tangible. I decided it was an unhealthy relationship and as hard as it was for me, I started pulling away. The parts' great need for Louise to understand them was a great impetus for my writing, and I wrote a long, sad piece to her that I never sent. Of course, when the child parts wrote, they had no comprehension of the adult perspective that came much later. They only knew of their pain and sadness.” (My Tears Fall Inside, pages 115)
It took a long time for child parts to “get over” my decision to pull away from Louise, but it was an important step in my healing. Though Louise had no intention of causing me problems, the relationship just did not work. When relationships don’t “work,” there are many things we can do to heal from our hurts. Sometimes we can write a letter to the person—that we do not send—in order to express all of our feelings. In my case, child parts wrote a long poem. I will include just a segment of that poem in my next blog.
What are some of the ways you have used to resolve relationship issues?
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