Sometimes after we have been very vulnerable with someone, we become insecure and our reaction is to pull away—at least emotionally. We want people to think we are just fine, and don’t need any help. At least that was true for me. Once Janie had experienced a flashback with me, I locked up my feelings tighter than ever again.
“From then on, if I cried at all, it was only a tear or two. The result of locking all of the tears inside meant that my body's aches and pains increased since there was no release of the emotional pain. I failed to realize that my concern about appearing ‘un-healed’ was actually one of the factors preventing my healing. If I would just let my child parts express themselves, in all their painful desperateness, then I could potentially get to a more stable emotional state. It seemed very counter-intuitive, but the more I allowed expression of these intense painful emotions the more ‘healthy’ I would be. The following poem was written by child parts who were thinking of Janie.”
“From then on, if I cried at all, it was only a tear or two. The result of locking all of the tears inside meant that my body's aches and pains increased since there was no release of the emotional pain. I failed to realize that my concern about appearing ‘un-healed’ was actually one of the factors preventing my healing. If I would just let my child parts express themselves, in all their painful desperateness, then I could potentially get to a more stable emotional state. It seemed very counter-intuitive, but the more I allowed expression of these intense painful emotions the more ‘healthy’ I would be. The following poem was written by child parts who were thinking of Janie.”
FEELINGS BEHIND THE FACE
5/28/94
I smile and chatter and laugh.
You think I am doing well,
then you leave
and I feel sad.
I kept it away while you were here.
I like to look happy and fine.
I want to be all better.
But sad stays inside
still
and doesn’t disappear with smiles
and doesn’t get better
hiding away.
I think it is smart to be happy
and stupid to feel sad.
“You can keep it away if you want to.”
But when I keep it away,
it stays inside
and doesn’t go away ever!!!
(The Silent Cries, pages 21-22)
5/28/94
I smile and chatter and laugh.
You think I am doing well,
then you leave
and I feel sad.
I kept it away while you were here.
I like to look happy and fine.
I want to be all better.
But sad stays inside
still
and doesn’t disappear with smiles
and doesn’t get better
hiding away.
I think it is smart to be happy
and stupid to feel sad.
“You can keep it away if you want to.”
But when I keep it away,
it stays inside
and doesn’t go away ever!!!
(The Silent Cries, pages 21-22)
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