“Over the next twelve months, Louise got more involved in my life and we visited more and more often. At the urging of my therapist, I started to attend a support group and it would sometimes leave me feeling drained. On one occasion, I called Louise after I got out of group and asked, ‘Can I come by to get a hug?’
“She responded enthusiastically, ‘Sure, Shawna. You can do that.’
“When I got to her home, she offered, ‘How are you doing, Shawna?’”
“‘Fine,’ I replied automatically.”
"‘You don't look fine, Shawna. I can tell you're not doing well.’”
“This surprised and frightened me. From somewhere deep inside, I let out, ‘I think I'm totally crazy, Louise.’”
“Louise then spent time comforting me, telling me that I wasn't crazy. She knew that I was struggling with thoughts that I was bad, with the idea that people would lie to me, and in my marriage. She said, ‘Shawna, those people did lie to you. You are not crazy. I am so sorry you are going through all of this, and that your husband isn't loving you. You are easy to love, Shawna.’
“As she tried to reassure me, I felt scared and panicky and then I started to have a flashback. Suddenly, my hands and the left side of my face went numb. In the course of the conversation, I somehow went from an adult talking about her marriage to a child re-experiencing cult abuse. I asked Louise if she thought I was making this up. She reassured me that she believed me, and that she didn't think I was making it up. At one point in the flashback I related a particularly gruesome ritual abuse memory and my whole body shook. Louise was so loving and reassuring. I especially appreciated how she seemed to want to protect me.”
“This experience really bonded me to Louise and I felt needier for her afterward. A seven-year-old part of me really connected with Louise and this part probably drove that neediness. In fact, this seven-year-old part was probably the one who was re-living the abuse through the flashback.” (My Tears Fall Inside, pages 106-107)
Having been abused as a child in a situation where I was totally vulnerable and defenseless, and wishing so badly that someone, anyone, would save me, left a huge gaping hole in my psyche. The idea that anyone wanted to protect me drew out the terrified child within me and the desperate feelings I felt as a child returned in full force. Unfortunately, there are others besides me, who have also experienced terrible abuse and their need for love and compassion is as great as mine. What a miracle it is when Jesus inspires people to reach out to those in pain and who let His love work through them to give the comfort and love that is so desperately needed.
“She responded enthusiastically, ‘Sure, Shawna. You can do that.’
“When I got to her home, she offered, ‘How are you doing, Shawna?’”
“‘Fine,’ I replied automatically.”
"‘You don't look fine, Shawna. I can tell you're not doing well.’”
“This surprised and frightened me. From somewhere deep inside, I let out, ‘I think I'm totally crazy, Louise.’”
“Louise then spent time comforting me, telling me that I wasn't crazy. She knew that I was struggling with thoughts that I was bad, with the idea that people would lie to me, and in my marriage. She said, ‘Shawna, those people did lie to you. You are not crazy. I am so sorry you are going through all of this, and that your husband isn't loving you. You are easy to love, Shawna.’
“As she tried to reassure me, I felt scared and panicky and then I started to have a flashback. Suddenly, my hands and the left side of my face went numb. In the course of the conversation, I somehow went from an adult talking about her marriage to a child re-experiencing cult abuse. I asked Louise if she thought I was making this up. She reassured me that she believed me, and that she didn't think I was making it up. At one point in the flashback I related a particularly gruesome ritual abuse memory and my whole body shook. Louise was so loving and reassuring. I especially appreciated how she seemed to want to protect me.”
“This experience really bonded me to Louise and I felt needier for her afterward. A seven-year-old part of me really connected with Louise and this part probably drove that neediness. In fact, this seven-year-old part was probably the one who was re-living the abuse through the flashback.” (My Tears Fall Inside, pages 106-107)
Having been abused as a child in a situation where I was totally vulnerable and defenseless, and wishing so badly that someone, anyone, would save me, left a huge gaping hole in my psyche. The idea that anyone wanted to protect me drew out the terrified child within me and the desperate feelings I felt as a child returned in full force. Unfortunately, there are others besides me, who have also experienced terrible abuse and their need for love and compassion is as great as mine. What a miracle it is when Jesus inspires people to reach out to those in pain and who let His love work through them to give the comfort and love that is so desperately needed.
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