“As the battle raged on, I started to see a familiar enemy at every turn - numbness. This clever enemy momentarily appeared as a comforting, life-saving respite from the heat of battle. In the middle of the earlier battle, the one during my abuse, numbness was my savior. It was the cavalry that saved me to fight another day and it was what allowed me to stay in my marriage. It was difficult to come into this new battle (healing) knowing that I could not retreat into numbness without losing the war.
“Numb Nancy continued to be a presence on my battlefield. She was only doing her job when she would stand ready, at a moment's notice, to blanket my emotions with a numbing ‘fog.’ Once this fog covered my world, I was unable to face any of the difficult emotions of my past or present:
“Numb Nancy continued to be a presence on my battlefield. She was only doing her job when she would stand ready, at a moment's notice, to blanket my emotions with a numbing ‘fog.’ Once this fog covered my world, I was unable to face any of the difficult emotions of my past or present:
“ONCE
(By Numb Nancy as an adult - 1991)
“Where once was sadness
there is nothing
“Where once was gladness
there is nothing
“Where once was excitement
there is nothing
“Where once was pain
there is nothing
“Where once was despair
there is nothing
“nothing”
(By Numb Nancy as an adult - 1991)
“Where once was sadness
there is nothing
“Where once was gladness
there is nothing
“Where once was excitement
there is nothing
“Where once was pain
there is nothing
“Where once was despair
there is nothing
“nothing”
(My Tears Fall Inside, pages 139-140)
Although feeling nothing seemed like an easier way to cope with my life, it interfered with my healing and could actually be dangerous. Humans have emotions for very important reasons. The ability to feel emotions helps us examine the circumstances we find ourselves in and influences our responses. For example, when we feel fear, we can analyze what is causing that emotion and determine if we need to get out of a situation. How have your emotions helped to keep you emotionally or physically safe?
Although feeling nothing seemed like an easier way to cope with my life, it interfered with my healing and could actually be dangerous. Humans have emotions for very important reasons. The ability to feel emotions helps us examine the circumstances we find ourselves in and influences our responses. For example, when we feel fear, we can analyze what is causing that emotion and determine if we need to get out of a situation. How have your emotions helped to keep you emotionally or physically safe?
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