MAKE ME LOOK

MAKE ME LOOK

You are my friend,
and when you tell me
of your joys and sorrows,
I pride myself
on looking straight into your eyes.
I want to know how you feel,
for then I can feel with you.

I tell you my memories
because I need to know
you still care,
even though people hurt me,
but I hang my head down
and I can’t force myself
to look into your eyes.

I need your love desperately,
so I am terrified
of what I might see
in your eyes.
The memories I tell are black as hell!
They are morbid and terrifying,
full of filth!

What if you feel
revulsion toward me
or you hate me for telling you?
What if you feel angry
and wish you never knew me?
What if you think I’m bad
or dirty?

What if you don’t believe me?
What if you are ashamed of me?
What if it doesn’t matter to you
that they destroyed me?
What if you wish I would go away,
and I look into your eyes
and see rejection?

I don’t want people to feel sad,
yet I desperately need to know
that I have enough value
that somewhere
it matters
to someone
that I was hurt.

I am so afraid to look into your eyes,
but please!
If you can still love me,
or if you hurt for me,
or if you cry for me,
or if you think I’m a good person
anyway,

or if you want to make me feel better,
or if you want to comfort me,
or if you are sad that someone hurt me,
or if you can believe me,
or if you aren’t ashamed of me,
or if you don’t want me to go away,
or if you are glad you know me,

or if it does matter to you
that they destroyed me,
and you really do love me,
Please! Please!
Make me look into your eyes,
so I can see your love
for me!


(From My Tears Fall Inside, pages 70-72)