“After drilling her with more questions about her ‘rough nights,’ I discovered something that amazed and shocked me. It had been incredibly difficult for her to see me in such emotional turmoil over the emerging memories of abuse. I discovered that while I was curled up in a ball reliving my nightmares with my head on a pillow in her lap, she would be praying silently, ‘Father in Heaven, please take away some of Shawna's pain and let me bear it for her. She has had to deal with so much, if I could take on some of her burden, could You make that happen?’
“This unusual, Christ-like prayer was answered and she would often become physically ill or troubled to the point of sleeplessness. Could anything more resemble Christ's sacrifice on the cross or in the Garden of Gethsemane? Is there a word for a ‘friend’ who would do something like this?
“Likewise, seeing Dixie suffer because of my pain caused me a lot of sorrow. I was dumbfounded that she would willingly take my pain into her own heart in order to help lift my burdens. I was shaken to the core and overwhelmed by her love to the point that I couldn't quite wrap my mind around it.
“I struggled with the idea that Dixie would take my pain upon herself. I even struggled with the concept of Christ's atonement because I knew that God wanted me to cast my pains and sorrows on His son, but I knew how deep and dreadful those pains were. I didn't want to hurt Him. Likewise, I didn't want to hurt Dixie with my pain.
“Another issue I had with this vicarious sharing of pain was the fact that I was deeply convinced I had no value. Therefore, for someone to sacrifice so much for someone of no value simply didn't compute. I couldn't begin to comprehend it.” (My Tears Fall Inside, page 80-81)
There are so many people in this world who feel that they don’t matter and suffer from low self esteem. Genshai is an ancient Hindi word that means to NEVER treat yourself or another person in a manner that makes one feel small. Dixie loved unconditionally and helped everyone she was near to feel important. I hope to follow her example. I hope to treat the people around me in such a way as to help them to feel my genuine concern.
“This unusual, Christ-like prayer was answered and she would often become physically ill or troubled to the point of sleeplessness. Could anything more resemble Christ's sacrifice on the cross or in the Garden of Gethsemane? Is there a word for a ‘friend’ who would do something like this?
“Likewise, seeing Dixie suffer because of my pain caused me a lot of sorrow. I was dumbfounded that she would willingly take my pain into her own heart in order to help lift my burdens. I was shaken to the core and overwhelmed by her love to the point that I couldn't quite wrap my mind around it.
“I struggled with the idea that Dixie would take my pain upon herself. I even struggled with the concept of Christ's atonement because I knew that God wanted me to cast my pains and sorrows on His son, but I knew how deep and dreadful those pains were. I didn't want to hurt Him. Likewise, I didn't want to hurt Dixie with my pain.
“Another issue I had with this vicarious sharing of pain was the fact that I was deeply convinced I had no value. Therefore, for someone to sacrifice so much for someone of no value simply didn't compute. I couldn't begin to comprehend it.” (My Tears Fall Inside, page 80-81)
There are so many people in this world who feel that they don’t matter and suffer from low self esteem. Genshai is an ancient Hindi word that means to NEVER treat yourself or another person in a manner that makes one feel small. Dixie loved unconditionally and helped everyone she was near to feel important. I hope to follow her example. I hope to treat the people around me in such a way as to help them to feel my genuine concern.
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