“BAD INSIDE
(By Angel, Age 5 - 1991)
“Inside I feel
like I’m really
bad,
but I don’t want to be bad.
“I really want to be good
but I can’t ever be
really good
‘cuz of the bad.
“When people do bad things
to you
then you turn bad, too,
‘cuz they said I wanted to.
“I didn’t know
I wanted to,
but they’re grownups
so I guess they know better than me.
“They said if people know
about the bad me,
they won’t love me
anymore.
“And what if they really are
right
and I really am bad
inside?
“‘Cuz some things they did made me feel good,
but scared, too.
And some things I didn’t like
at all!
“So I try and try
all the time
to be really, really, really
good
“then maybe people won’t know
I’m really bad inside
and they’ll still
like me
“but it doesn’t work
‘cuz I know if they find out
I’m bad,
they won’t like me anymore.”
(By Angel, Age 5 - 1991)
“Inside I feel
like I’m really
bad,
but I don’t want to be bad.
“I really want to be good
but I can’t ever be
really good
‘cuz of the bad.
“When people do bad things
to you
then you turn bad, too,
‘cuz they said I wanted to.
“I didn’t know
I wanted to,
but they’re grownups
so I guess they know better than me.
“They said if people know
about the bad me,
they won’t love me
anymore.
“And what if they really are
right
and I really am bad
inside?
“‘Cuz some things they did made me feel good,
but scared, too.
And some things I didn’t like
at all!
“So I try and try
all the time
to be really, really, really
good
“then maybe people won’t know
I’m really bad inside
and they’ll still
like me
“but it doesn’t work
‘cuz I know if they find out
I’m bad,
they won’t like me anymore.”
(My Tears Fall Inside, pages 136-137)
Angel truly believed there was no way she could be “good enough” to even be liked—let alone loved. She believed that love must be earned and that she would never “deserve it” no matter what she did.
Are there children (or adults) around us who also feel that their imperfect behaviors make them unlovable? Is our love conditional? How can we help those within our influence feel our love regardless of their behaviors?
Angel truly believed there was no way she could be “good enough” to even be liked—let alone loved. She believed that love must be earned and that she would never “deserve it” no matter what she did.
Are there children (or adults) around us who also feel that their imperfect behaviors make them unlovable? Is our love conditional? How can we help those within our influence feel our love regardless of their behaviors?
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