“Several of my inner parts combined to write a rather lengthy piece describing the emotional dilemma I suffered throughout most of my healing. The following is an excerpt:
“MELTING SNOW
(By Tina, Angel, Sherry, Deb, Laura, Little One - 1993)
The hills are covered once again
with a thick blanket of freshly fallen powdery snow.
The sun is shining.
The air is clear.
The snow sparkles.
I sit in a snow bank
next to a lacy bush.
The warmth of the sun
slowly melts the snow on the branches
and the cold air forms tiny icicles.
I pick up an icicle and take off my gloves.
My hands are warm
and as I hold the beautiful frozen ice,
it begins to slowly melt.
I watch the drops of water
disappear in the snow beneath me.
So often,
I too feel frozen,
incapable of releasing the pain inside,
frozen back in time,
As I hold the delicate icicle,
I understand the secret.
I need the safety of your love!
The warmth of your arms around me
slowly melts the ice inside
and finally I am capable of letting go.
I plead for God to quickly soften the frozen inside of me!
I know it is only in the melting hearts
that we truly become workable to Him.
Impatiently I cry
for immediate and sudden release.
And I suddenly remember another spring,
when the sun was too hot,
and the snow melted too fast,
and the water became a huge destructive force.
But I am so afraid of needing you!
As I break down my impenetrable walls
to let that childhood agony escape,
I become that vulnerable,
tortured child
that I was then, and I can be destroyed again!
No wonder I am terrified
of reaching out to you.
My ability to protect myself
has not yet been learned,
and people were my torturers,
And there was no safety then.
Oh please be someone safe
who knows how to love,
who knows how to be kind,
who has a melted heart,
capable of being workable,
so He can love me through you!
Do you have enough love,
or will it go away
before I have grown stronger?
Will your love stay
even if I need you
too much?
I’m so scared!
Please help me!
I don’t know how to love people safe.
I’m too vulnerable!
I only know I need your melted heart,
the safety of your tenderness!”
(By Tina, Angel, Sherry, Deb, Laura, Little One - 1993)
The hills are covered once again
with a thick blanket of freshly fallen powdery snow.
The sun is shining.
The air is clear.
The snow sparkles.
I sit in a snow bank
next to a lacy bush.
The warmth of the sun
slowly melts the snow on the branches
and the cold air forms tiny icicles.
I pick up an icicle and take off my gloves.
My hands are warm
and as I hold the beautiful frozen ice,
it begins to slowly melt.
I watch the drops of water
disappear in the snow beneath me.
So often,
I too feel frozen,
incapable of releasing the pain inside,
frozen back in time,
As I hold the delicate icicle,
I understand the secret.
I need the safety of your love!
The warmth of your arms around me
slowly melts the ice inside
and finally I am capable of letting go.
I plead for God to quickly soften the frozen inside of me!
I know it is only in the melting hearts
that we truly become workable to Him.
Impatiently I cry
for immediate and sudden release.
And I suddenly remember another spring,
when the sun was too hot,
and the snow melted too fast,
and the water became a huge destructive force.
But I am so afraid of needing you!
As I break down my impenetrable walls
to let that childhood agony escape,
I become that vulnerable,
tortured child
that I was then, and I can be destroyed again!
No wonder I am terrified
of reaching out to you.
My ability to protect myself
has not yet been learned,
and people were my torturers,
And there was no safety then.
Oh please be someone safe
who knows how to love,
who knows how to be kind,
who has a melted heart,
capable of being workable,
so He can love me through you!
Do you have enough love,
or will it go away
before I have grown stronger?
Will your love stay
even if I need you
too much?
I’m so scared!
Please help me!
I don’t know how to love people safe.
I’m too vulnerable!
I only know I need your melted heart,
the safety of your tenderness!”
(My Tears Fall Inside, page 87 -89)
I am so thankful for those who came into my life who were capable of loving me with a pure love that came from God and His love flowed freely through those who reached out to me. We also have the privilege of blessing others’ lives with God’s love as we allow it to work through us.
I am so thankful for those who came into my life who were capable of loving me with a pure love that came from God and His love flowed freely through those who reached out to me. We also have the privilege of blessing others’ lives with God’s love as we allow it to work through us.
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