"That same evening I had gone to Dixie's home and had asked her if she could talk to Sherry. Sherry was the one who was still hurting the most from the loss of our friend, Louise. Sherry was so sad; I just wanted Dixie to talk to her. As soon as Sherry came out, chewing her left pointing finger and showing Dixie how sad she was, Deb popped out and wouldn't let this encounter continue between Dixie and Sherry. Deb was the 12-year-old who was concerned with appearing ‘normal,’ and was a person whom the younger child parts respected. Deb thought it was just plain stupid that a child part would be allowed to hurt so much. According to her, if you can ‘switch’ like she does, then it doesn't make sense to keep a hurting child from switching out. As soon as Deb arrived, Sherry and her sadness disappeared, but not before Dixie and I learned some things about what Sherry was going through.
“We were able to figure out that Sherry was trying to become almost non-existent due to her intense grief over Louise. She would say, ‘If Louise doesn't believe in me, then I just won't exist.’ Sherry still existed, but was so withdrawn and hidden away that it was often difficult to know that she was still around. In the short time that Sherry talked to Dixie that day, she talked about her fear of love.
"‘If you let someone love you, then they'll hurt you,’ was Sherry's mantra. Sherry was becoming a hidden, very difficult part of me who was making it even more challenging to feel the love of my friends.” (My Tears Fall Inside, pages 146-146)
Deb was trying to rescue Sherry by pulling her away from her sadness. Unfortunately, that meant that Sherry’s sadness stayed locked inside. In just that same way, if we don’t allow others to feel the sadness they need to feel, it also stays trapped inside of them and prevents the person from healing. Sometimes we can’t handle another person’s sadness because it resonates too closely with our own and if we can’t cope with our own feelings, we try to pull others away from theirs as well. Although it is very tempting to rescue others from their negative feelings, it isn’t always the best thing for them.
“We were able to figure out that Sherry was trying to become almost non-existent due to her intense grief over Louise. She would say, ‘If Louise doesn't believe in me, then I just won't exist.’ Sherry still existed, but was so withdrawn and hidden away that it was often difficult to know that she was still around. In the short time that Sherry talked to Dixie that day, she talked about her fear of love.
"‘If you let someone love you, then they'll hurt you,’ was Sherry's mantra. Sherry was becoming a hidden, very difficult part of me who was making it even more challenging to feel the love of my friends.” (My Tears Fall Inside, pages 146-146)
Deb was trying to rescue Sherry by pulling her away from her sadness. Unfortunately, that meant that Sherry’s sadness stayed locked inside. In just that same way, if we don’t allow others to feel the sadness they need to feel, it also stays trapped inside of them and prevents the person from healing. Sometimes we can’t handle another person’s sadness because it resonates too closely with our own and if we can’t cope with our own feelings, we try to pull others away from theirs as well. Although it is very tempting to rescue others from their negative feelings, it isn’t always the best thing for them.
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