God is so smart! He knows what we can handle and when we can handle it. In my case, He gave me the ability to create pretend children inside, and in my mind, all the horrible things that happened to me, happened to those pretend children or “parts” and NOT to me. Then because I dissociated all of those horrible experiences at the time they happened, I forgot them. Finally, when it was time for me to heal, God allowed these little child personalities or “parts” to come back and tell me what happened to them (me). These parts created a road map for my healing and allowed me to only remember and deal with my childhood terrors a piece at a time. Thankfully, at the same time these memories were emerging, God sent wonderful people into my life who could love me and assist Him in the work of my healing.
“Janie reached out to me frequently and six weeks after Easter, she was with me as I experienced a flashback. The memories of the torture and horror that I lived through as a child were held inside my mind by many separate parts of my personality. These various ‘parts’ within kept the memories a secret from me, so I was not conscious of those memories, until my subconscious mind determined that I was now capable of dealing with that forgotten knowledge. When a ‘part’ suddenly brought back the memory to my conscious mind, that child part did not just “talk about” what happened to them. I literally lived through what actually happened to that child as if it were happening at that very moment, so the terror and torture were present. . .
“When Janie or others lived through a flashback with me, it was heartbreaking for them, as they literally heard the voice of a child in abject terror and felt the trembling of my whole body. In addition, when someone lived through that experience with a child part, it created an incredible bond from the child to that support person, since the child now viewed that person as a hero. This created an intense neediness for that support person as the child who lived through that torture had all of the emotional issues any normal child would have if they experienced torture. Thus the parts, having been brainwashed to believe that no one could love them, now grew concerned that Janie would begin to dislike them (me) because she had seen what a mess I was.” (The Silent Cries, selections from pages 19-21)
“Janie reached out to me frequently and six weeks after Easter, she was with me as I experienced a flashback. The memories of the torture and horror that I lived through as a child were held inside my mind by many separate parts of my personality. These various ‘parts’ within kept the memories a secret from me, so I was not conscious of those memories, until my subconscious mind determined that I was now capable of dealing with that forgotten knowledge. When a ‘part’ suddenly brought back the memory to my conscious mind, that child part did not just “talk about” what happened to them. I literally lived through what actually happened to that child as if it were happening at that very moment, so the terror and torture were present. . .
“When Janie or others lived through a flashback with me, it was heartbreaking for them, as they literally heard the voice of a child in abject terror and felt the trembling of my whole body. In addition, when someone lived through that experience with a child part, it created an incredible bond from the child to that support person, since the child now viewed that person as a hero. This created an intense neediness for that support person as the child who lived through that torture had all of the emotional issues any normal child would have if they experienced torture. Thus the parts, having been brainwashed to believe that no one could love them, now grew concerned that Janie would begin to dislike them (me) because she had seen what a mess I was.” (The Silent Cries, selections from pages 19-21)
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