ENDURING LOVE

     “When you don't believe others could love you, it is nearly impossible to understand their motivations and when you misunderstand others' motivations, it is difficult to trust them. My difficulties with trust were expressed in this writing:

“MY WORLD IS CAVING IN
(1991)
 
I’m afraid
to lean on you.
When I have trusted people
in the past
I have been hurt
or abused.
 
So I have lived my life
alone
as much as possible.
That was the only way
I could maintain control
of my world.
 
Now my world
is caving in
all around me
and I am terrified
of relying on you
and being vulnerable again.

     "I was definitely in a ‘double bind.’ The more I felt safe and comfortable in someone's love, the more frightened I was.” (My Tears Fall Inside, page 132)
 
     It may seem strange that parts of me were terrified of getting close to others and of trusting their love, but my experiences fully justified those fears. It was much more than just a fear of being vulnerable. My abusers had deliberately created my distrust in others—as a way to keep the secrets—so that I would never get close enough to anyone and tell them what was happening to me. This disbelief in others’ love was extremely difficult to overcome. Thank Heavens for those wonderful friends who persisted in showing consistent, enduring love and kindness to all the various parts within me.
     Who has reached out in love and kindness to help you? Is there someone in your life who needs your consistent love?