“In spite of the fact that a part of me was beginning to realize how unhealthy this relationship was becoming (because of my clinginess), other parts of me, ‘Sherry’, saw it differently. Sherry thought of Louise as her hero, and was very close to her. Meanwhile, I was doing some very counter-productive things in the relationship. For instance I would call Louise, knowing that she was busy and wouldn't have time to talk. I was setting up tests for Louise that I knew she would ‘fail.’
“Over the next year, even though I knew things were ‘rocky’ in my relationship with Louise, I continued to hope against hope that I could somehow earn her love. This was a qualitatively different kind of relationship than with any of my other friends. No wonder! I was simultaneously trying to feel her love for me, prove myself to her, and prove that she couldn't love me - all at the same time.
“This relationship was not one in which I had discovered the ‘mother I never had’ (such as my relationship with Dixie), it was one in which I was actually trying to fix the ‘mother I did have.’ Somehow with Louise I had become entangled in trying to fix my relationship with my mother instead of enjoying someone who offered strengths that my mother never had. Louise was not the problem; I was. But the pain was the same any way you looked at it.
“Throughout the fifteen months I interacted closely with Louise, I felt like I was on a roller-coaster ride.” (My Tears Fall Inside, pages 110-111)
In each of our relationships it is important to figure out which relationships are healthy and which are not. Everyone has their issues and sometimes others’ issues clash with ours. Some relationships can become very deep and intense while others are only healthy at a more moderate level. Sometimes people are actually toxic to us and we need to determine when that is the situation and distance ourselves. This does not mean the person is “bad” but just that they are not good for us. (These same people can be wonderful for someone else.) No matter which is the case, we can learn from each other and grow through our experiences.
“Over the next year, even though I knew things were ‘rocky’ in my relationship with Louise, I continued to hope against hope that I could somehow earn her love. This was a qualitatively different kind of relationship than with any of my other friends. No wonder! I was simultaneously trying to feel her love for me, prove myself to her, and prove that she couldn't love me - all at the same time.
“This relationship was not one in which I had discovered the ‘mother I never had’ (such as my relationship with Dixie), it was one in which I was actually trying to fix the ‘mother I did have.’ Somehow with Louise I had become entangled in trying to fix my relationship with my mother instead of enjoying someone who offered strengths that my mother never had. Louise was not the problem; I was. But the pain was the same any way you looked at it.
“Throughout the fifteen months I interacted closely with Louise, I felt like I was on a roller-coaster ride.” (My Tears Fall Inside, pages 110-111)
In each of our relationships it is important to figure out which relationships are healthy and which are not. Everyone has their issues and sometimes others’ issues clash with ours. Some relationships can become very deep and intense while others are only healthy at a more moderate level. Sometimes people are actually toxic to us and we need to determine when that is the situation and distance ourselves. This does not mean the person is “bad” but just that they are not good for us. (These same people can be wonderful for someone else.) No matter which is the case, we can learn from each other and grow through our experiences.
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