“One day while I was with Louise, this seven-year-old was ‘out’ and talking with her. Louise recognized that I wasn't an ‘adult’ and asked this part what her name was. The child hesitated a little bit, then said . . . ‘Sherry.’ Louise had a daughter named Sherry who was also about seven-years-old at the time. It was almost as if this part of me took on the same name in an attempt to make Louise love her. The more ‘Sherry’ interacted with Louise, the more an analytical part of me became concerned about feeling so clingy. My journal entries described my concerns:
“Today I have been analyzing my relationship with Louise. . . . and why it is that I feel so clingy sometimes. I think it may be two things. First, I think she reminds me a lot of my own mother. She is a strong, outspoken person, and extremely busy and involved. I have always felt like my mom didn’t really have time for me. . . I think I see Louise a little in my Mom’s place, and want to see that she does have time for me. I also think there is a part that wants to prove to me that nobody can love me and that if I push Louise too far, that she will stop loving me. So, there is a part testing her.
“I see one more interesting aspect of this. I find myself trying to earn her love and approval. I again feel like that puts her back in the place of my own mother. My own mom—I tried to earn her love by being thoughtful and going the extra mile, and doing things for her, just to win approval and love. . . I also felt like it was my job to make sure she was happy. I think I kind of do that with Louise, too. . . .I need to be able to believe that I can be loved and that I don’t need to earn it.” (My Tears Fall Inside, pages 109-110)
When a child has had issues with a parent, it is very common when that child grows up, to connect with someone who reminds them of that prominent caretaker. Usually this bond is the deepest when the subconscious is trying to fix an unhealthy care-taker relationship. The child inside somehow feels if they can fix this current unhealthy relationship, that somehow, they have then fixed their childhood.
“Today I have been analyzing my relationship with Louise. . . . and why it is that I feel so clingy sometimes. I think it may be two things. First, I think she reminds me a lot of my own mother. She is a strong, outspoken person, and extremely busy and involved. I have always felt like my mom didn’t really have time for me. . . I think I see Louise a little in my Mom’s place, and want to see that she does have time for me. I also think there is a part that wants to prove to me that nobody can love me and that if I push Louise too far, that she will stop loving me. So, there is a part testing her.
“I see one more interesting aspect of this. I find myself trying to earn her love and approval. I again feel like that puts her back in the place of my own mother. My own mom—I tried to earn her love by being thoughtful and going the extra mile, and doing things for her, just to win approval and love. . . I also felt like it was my job to make sure she was happy. I think I kind of do that with Louise, too. . . .I need to be able to believe that I can be loved and that I don’t need to earn it.” (My Tears Fall Inside, pages 109-110)
When a child has had issues with a parent, it is very common when that child grows up, to connect with someone who reminds them of that prominent caretaker. Usually this bond is the deepest when the subconscious is trying to fix an unhealthy care-taker relationship. The child inside somehow feels if they can fix this current unhealthy relationship, that somehow, they have then fixed their childhood.
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