“However, when Louise had commitments and responsibilities that required her time, or when she simply couldn't always offer the intense emotional support she felt I needed, I would become unreasonably discouraged. One day, I called her and she said she had a really big favor to ask.
“She said: ‘Please don't use me for the next two weeks. My heart just isn't in it and I'm just not doing the job for you that I need to, but I really need to get my son ready for his two-year assignment over-seas.’
“She went on to suggest that I could perhaps rely more heavily on Audrey and Dixie, but that she hated to ‘dump’ it all on those two. She talked about the possibility that, because I had been working on healing for over a year, perhaps there could be days when I wouldn't even need to call any of them. . .
“I was devastated but I knew that she needed to be honest with me so that she wouldn't resent me. Despite my hurt, a part of me knew that I would rather have her tell me how she was feeling than hold it in and resent me more and more. Other parts of me weren't so philosophical about this turn of events.
“I ran to the hills where I spent a few minutes crying, but then I went totally numb and wondered if I should completely withdraw from people again. I wondered if the world would be better off without me. I then started to wonder about my other ‘friends’ and how soon they might abandon me. All my brainwashing kicked into high gear.” (My Tears Fall Inside, pages 112-113)
The intense brainwashing I underwent as a child made it impossible for me to see situations as a healthy adult would perceive them. Instead, I was re-traumatized by what felt like rejection and the child parts reaction was to completely withdraw trying to avoid the same negative response which they were certain would come from every other source. Thankfully, God helped others to reach out and reassure me that I could matter and be loved once again.
There are so many people in pain and regardless of the source, their pain is valid. They also need reassurance that they matter and are loved. May we be sensitive to those around us and lighten their burdens with our kindness.
“She said: ‘Please don't use me for the next two weeks. My heart just isn't in it and I'm just not doing the job for you that I need to, but I really need to get my son ready for his two-year assignment over-seas.’
“She went on to suggest that I could perhaps rely more heavily on Audrey and Dixie, but that she hated to ‘dump’ it all on those two. She talked about the possibility that, because I had been working on healing for over a year, perhaps there could be days when I wouldn't even need to call any of them. . .
“I was devastated but I knew that she needed to be honest with me so that she wouldn't resent me. Despite my hurt, a part of me knew that I would rather have her tell me how she was feeling than hold it in and resent me more and more. Other parts of me weren't so philosophical about this turn of events.
“I ran to the hills where I spent a few minutes crying, but then I went totally numb and wondered if I should completely withdraw from people again. I wondered if the world would be better off without me. I then started to wonder about my other ‘friends’ and how soon they might abandon me. All my brainwashing kicked into high gear.” (My Tears Fall Inside, pages 112-113)
The intense brainwashing I underwent as a child made it impossible for me to see situations as a healthy adult would perceive them. Instead, I was re-traumatized by what felt like rejection and the child parts reaction was to completely withdraw trying to avoid the same negative response which they were certain would come from every other source. Thankfully, God helped others to reach out and reassure me that I could matter and be loved once again.
There are so many people in pain and regardless of the source, their pain is valid. They also need reassurance that they matter and are loved. May we be sensitive to those around us and lighten their burdens with our kindness.
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