“Originally, when I had started getting to know Dixie, our visits were at my home. . .
“As my child parts became more comfortable with ‘Dixie Mom,’ I started to visit her at her house. There, I felt more comfortable in letting myself be whoever I needed to be. At home, I was the mom of the house, but at Dixie's home, I could be her child. I would walk up the street to her modest home; take a few steps down into her living room, and we would sit on her cream colored couch across from the fireplace. There, I allowed my child parts to open up to this wonderful woman. . .
“As Easter 1993 approached, I was especially troubled. I went to Dixie's home after my counseling group one night and we did a lot of laughing and I did a little crying. I really wanted to ‘split’ again (forming a new personality part) because the pain was too great, but I also knew I should not do that. So my next thought was to deal with the pain in another way.
"‘Dixie, I just have to run away! I want to run away from Easter.’ The days surrounding Easter were times of intense ritual activity on the satanic calendar. I had thought about running away to Arizona, but then the absurdity of the thought struck me and I had to laugh.
"‘Well, I guess that wouldn't do much good. They have Easter in Arizona, don't they?' We both laughed. I knew that Dixie enjoyed interacting with my child parts a lot. I felt a very deep connection to her and loved her with all my heart. . .
“On Easter evening, I was walking across the yard when I suddenly doubled over in pain and couldn't walk. . . The pain came and went for several hours. I believe these were body memories, as the tissues of my body were able to ‘remember’ some of the horrible things that had occurred around that time in previous years.” (My Tears Fall Inside, pages 144-146)
As painful as it was to experience, body memories were more proof that the memories coming back to my conscious mind were real. Denial was the easy road, but the physical pain which accompanied the memories was impossible to fabricate. It was incredibly real.
“As my child parts became more comfortable with ‘Dixie Mom,’ I started to visit her at her house. There, I felt more comfortable in letting myself be whoever I needed to be. At home, I was the mom of the house, but at Dixie's home, I could be her child. I would walk up the street to her modest home; take a few steps down into her living room, and we would sit on her cream colored couch across from the fireplace. There, I allowed my child parts to open up to this wonderful woman. . .
“As Easter 1993 approached, I was especially troubled. I went to Dixie's home after my counseling group one night and we did a lot of laughing and I did a little crying. I really wanted to ‘split’ again (forming a new personality part) because the pain was too great, but I also knew I should not do that. So my next thought was to deal with the pain in another way.
"‘Dixie, I just have to run away! I want to run away from Easter.’ The days surrounding Easter were times of intense ritual activity on the satanic calendar. I had thought about running away to Arizona, but then the absurdity of the thought struck me and I had to laugh.
"‘Well, I guess that wouldn't do much good. They have Easter in Arizona, don't they?' We both laughed. I knew that Dixie enjoyed interacting with my child parts a lot. I felt a very deep connection to her and loved her with all my heart. . .
“On Easter evening, I was walking across the yard when I suddenly doubled over in pain and couldn't walk. . . The pain came and went for several hours. I believe these were body memories, as the tissues of my body were able to ‘remember’ some of the horrible things that had occurred around that time in previous years.” (My Tears Fall Inside, pages 144-146)
As painful as it was to experience, body memories were more proof that the memories coming back to my conscious mind were real. Denial was the easy road, but the physical pain which accompanied the memories was impossible to fabricate. It was incredibly real.
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