I had the opportunity to speak at the Renaissance Ranch on Thursday night. The Renaissance Ranch is an in-patient and out-patient facility for addiction recovery.
Before I left home to speak to this group, I prayed that those in attendance would be able to feel my love for them and that they would also be able to feel God's love for them through me.
While there, I was certain that both the patients and their families had all gone through some very difficult things in their lives or they wouldn't have been there, and since I have also been through some heartbreaking trials, I felt a very real kinship with them. As a result, I felt so much love for everyone there. It was an evening filled with powerful feelings of God's love.
I am so grateful for the opportunity of being able to present in Logan. It was a wonderful group of people and I loved meeting them.
It was also a privilege to be able to be part of Spanish Radio, 1640 AM, with Gloria Arredondo and my translator. Both of them were so warm and delightful. There are many wonderful people in this world and I am so happy to get to know a few of them. Thanks to all of you!
Thursday, Friday & Saturday I was able to be part of The Firm Foundation Expo in Orem, Utah. I had a booth there and presented on both Thursday and Saturday. I cannot tell you how many wonderful people I was able to visit with but it was an honor to meet you and hear your stories as well. Thank you for the pleasure of letting me get to know so many of you. It was a very rich three days!
I had the privilege of being the guest speaker for "The Healer's Blueprint" last week. This was a group of energy workers learning a new modality. The energy in that room was the most incredible I have ever felt in a presentation. It was a privilege to speak to them and I am thankful to all those in attendance who made it such a wonderful evening!
NEW! The companion book of my story, "Hear My Cry: Writings From My Soul" is now available as an unabridged Audio Book (7 CDs) and is also available as an unabridged MP3 (1 CD). Since all three books are read by the author the listener has the unique opportunity to hear an occasional child personality read her own words. Many different voices are heard in "Hear My Cry" as this book is the book of poems written by several personalities.
Go to the Buy Now page of my website and order now.
Sometimes after we have been very vulnerable with someone, we become insecure and our reaction is to pull away—at least emotionally. We want people to think we are just fine, and don’t need any help. At least that was true for me. Once Janie had experienced a flashback with me, I locked up my feelings tighter than ever again.
“From then on, if I cried at all, it was only a tear or two. The result of locking all of the tears inside meant that my body's aches and pains increased since there was no release of the emotional pain. I failed to realize that my concern about appearing ‘un-healed’ was actually one of the factors preventing my healing. If I would just let my child parts express themselves, in all their painful desperateness, then I could potentially get to a more stable emotional state. It seemed very counter-intuitive, but the more I allowed expression of these intense painful emotions the more ‘healthy’ I would be. The following poem was written by child parts who were thinking of Janie.”
FEELINGS BEHIND THE FACE
I smile and chatter and laugh.
You think I am doing well,
then you leave
and I feel sad.
I kept it away while you were here.
I like to look happy and fine.
I want to be all better.
But sad stays inside
and doesn’t disappear with smiles
and doesn’t get better
I think it is smart to be happy
and stupid to feel sad.
“You can keep it away if you want to.”
But when I keep it away,
it stays inside
and doesn’t go away ever!!!
(The Silent Cries, pages 21-22)
God is so smart! He knows what we can handle and when we can handle it. In my case, He gave me the ability to create pretend children inside, and in my mind, all the horrible things that happened to me, happened to those pretend children or “parts” and NOT to me. Then because I dissociated all of those horrible experiences at the time they happened, I forgot them. Finally, when it was time for me to heal, God allowed these little child personalities or “parts” to come back and tell me what happened to them (me). These parts created a road map for my healing and allowed me to only remember and deal with my childhood terrors a piece at a time. Thankfully, at the same time these memories were emerging, God sent wonderful people into my life who could love me and assist Him in the work of my healing.
“Janie reached out to me frequently and six weeks after Easter, she was with me as I experienced a flashback. The memories of the torture and horror that I lived through as a child were held inside my mind by many separate parts of my personality. These various ‘parts’ within kept the memories a secret from me, so I was not conscious of those memories, until my subconscious mind determined that I was now capable of dealing with that forgotten knowledge. When a ‘part’ suddenly brought back the memory to my conscious mind, that child part did not just “talk about” what happened to them. I literally lived through what actually happened to that child as if it were happening at that very moment, so the terror and torture were present. . .
“When Janie or others lived through a flashback with me, it was heartbreaking for them, as they literally heard the voice of a child in abject terror and felt the trembling of my whole body. In addition, when someone lived through that experience with a child part, it created an incredible bond from the child to that support person, since the child now viewed that person as a hero. This created an intense neediness for that support person as the child who lived through that torture had all of the emotional issues any normal child would have if they experienced torture. Thus the parts, having been brainwashed to believe that no one could love them, now grew concerned that Janie would begin to dislike them (me) because she had seen what a mess I was.” (The Silent Cries, selections from pages 19-21)
NEW! The second half of my story, "The Silent Cries" is
now available as an unabridged Audio Book (11 CDs) and
is also available as an unabridged MP3 Audio (2 CDs).
Go to the Buy Now page of my website to order now.
Jed Norwood (the organizer) is opening up this event to everyone. It is free. I would love to see some familiar faces. Here is part of the latest email which Jed sent out today.
“‘A Journey of Healing’ evening with Shawna Draper and friends is tomorrow night so if you haven't already booked your calendar to attend you will want to surely do it now.
“Shawna's message is one of hope and faith and how the human spirit can overcome the ugliness that this world can dish out. She shares how God—through remarkable Christ like people—helped her heal from the after effects of childhood sexual abuse, satanic ritual abuse, divorce, deep depression and dissociative identity disorder. With the help and support of Christ like people lost and broken hearts can be rescued.
“Shawna's message will leave you feeling hope in the journey of healing you face whether it be for your sufferings or the sufferings of a loved one.
“Come and take part in this heartfelt evening!
“On FRIDAY, Sept 19th from 7:00 pm to 8:30 pm located at the Highland Community Center, 5378 W. 10400 N., Highland, Utah.
"We hope to see you there.” (Jed Norwood)
“A week after I gave her a large stack of poems to read, Janie invited me to ‘Shenandoah,’ a community play in which her children were performing. I sat by her when she wasn't helping with the production and it gave us a chance to talk, something I looked forward to because I didn't really know much about Janie.
“As we waited for the play to begin, I leaned over and asked, ‘How many children do you have?’”
“She responded, ‘Well, it depends on how you count. It's either six or eight.’ She explained that her second child, a girl, lived only a week before she died. Her third child, also a girl, had heart problems and died when she was only six years old. I felt so sad for her and realized that Janie was no stranger to heartache.” (The Silent Cries, page 19)
I have observed that some of the most compassionate people in my life are those who have experienced great pain, loss and sadness. There is something about extreme pain which is universal. Whether the pain comes from the death of a loved one, serious depression, sexual abuse, life threatening illness, or other form of major trauma, there is a commonality. When a person finds themselves in a position where they have no control over the outcome of their situation, the soul can get carved out and become deeper. An understanding of the complexity of heartache and profound empathy for others’ can become the by-product. I am so thankful to those whose compassion became magnified through their pain and who understood the complicated world I was dealing with.