NEW! The second half of my story, "The Silent Cries" is 

now available as an unabridged Audio Book (11 CDs) and 


is also available as an unabridged MP3 Audio (2 CDs).

Go to the Buy Now page of my website to order now.  
 
 
      Jed Norwood (the organizer) is opening up this event to everyone. It is free. I would love to see some familiar faces. Here is part of the latest email which Jed sent out today.

“‘A Journey of Healing’ evening with Shawna Draper and friends is tomorrow night so if you haven't already booked your calendar to attend you will want to surely do it now. 

“Shawna's message is one of hope and faith and how the human spirit can overcome the ugliness that this world can dish out. She shares how God—through remarkable Christ like people—helped her heal from the after effects of childhood sexual abuse, satanic ritual abuse, divorce, deep depression and dissociative identity disorder. With the help and support of Christ like people lost and broken hearts can be rescued. 

“Shawna's message will leave you feeling hope in the journey of healing you face whether it be for your sufferings or the sufferings of a loved one.

“Come and take part in this heartfelt evening!  

“On FRIDAY, Sept 19th from 7:00 pm to 8:30 pm located at the Highland Community Center, 5378 W. 10400 N., Highland, Utah.

"We hope to see you there.” (Jed Norwood)
 
 
      “A week after I gave her a large stack of poems to read, Janie invited me to ‘Shenandoah,’ a community play in which her children were performing. I sat by her when she wasn't helping with the production and it gave us a chance to talk, something I looked forward to because I didn't really know much about Janie.
      “As we waited for the play to begin, I leaned over and asked, ‘How many children do you have?’”
      “She responded, ‘Well, it depends on how you count. It's either six or eight.’ She explained that her second child, a girl, lived only a week before she died. Her third child, also a girl, had heart problems and died when she was only six years old. I felt so sad for her and realized that Janie was no stranger to heartache.” (The Silent Cries, page 19)

      I have observed that some of the most compassionate people in my life are those who have experienced great pain, loss and sadness. There is something about extreme pain which is universal. Whether the pain comes from the death of a loved one, serious depression, sexual abuse, life threatening illness, or other form of major trauma, there is a commonality. When a person finds themselves in a position where they have no control over the outcome of their situation, the soul can get carved out and become deeper. An understanding of the complexity of heartache and profound empathy for others’ can become the by-product. I am so thankful to those whose compassion became magnified through their pain and who understood the complicated world I was dealing with.
 

A TEST

09/11/2014

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      “After that embarrassing moment in my bedroom, Janie started to reach out to me in little ways. A week after that incident, at her request, I read her more of my poems and I even dared to let her take a few of them home with her, on the condition that she return them ‘soon.’ Giving her my poems to take home made me feel extremely vulnerable and I thought to myself, ‘I wonder if she will wait a whole week to bring them back?’ Giving her access to my poems was a test to see how interested she was in me. Well, it wasn't even a full week before she brought the poems back, so she passed that test. She had read them, loved them, and asked if I would give her more to read. I eventually gave her a whole year's worth, which was a way of letting her into my world and another test to see if she could really handle me and my ‘stuff.’” (The Silent Cries, pages 18-19)

      When a person experiences severe trauma at the hands of others in early childhood, distrust of people and their motives is a natural consequence. In the child’s mind, this wariness is a way to help keep them safe, and that child tests every relationship. At least that was the case with the child parts inside of me. For this reason, it took incredible people with consistent kindness in order for me to feel safe enough to allow them windows into my world and my soul. Thankfully, some of those wonderful people reached out to me. Who has reached out to you in your time of need?
 
 
      “By that time [May 1994] my relationship with Dixie had changed, so from that point on, my feelings became more and more blocked. I had also quit going to therapy the previous month. . . From then on, if I cried at all, it was only a tear or two. The result of locking all of the tears inside meant that my body's aches and pains increased since there was no release of the emotional pain. I failed to realize that my concern about appearing ‘un-healed’ was actually one of the factors preventing my healing. If I would just let my child parts express themselves, in all their painful desperateness, then I could potentially get to a more stable emotional state. It seemed very counter-intuitive, but the more I allowed expression of these intense painful emotions the more ‘healthy’ I would be.” (The Silent Cries, page 21)

      It is just fine to lock tears inside on occasion. However, when it becomes a habit and the painful emotions remained trapped inside for long periods of time, eventually the body begins to suffer. Whenever I see someone who is totally numb to feelings, I know that person is not fine! I recognize the behavior and understand that this means there is huge sadness locked inside. I hope to be observant and sensitive to the feelings of those around me, and reach out to others in pain whenever possible.
 
 
     “Kasey continued to have inspired ideas to help the parts change deeply ingrained programming. She pointed out that parts acted like they were wearing glasses and on the glasses were written the words, ‘I am unlovable.’ So they saw the whole world through those glasses and were fearful, to the extent that everything seemed to prove to them they were not lovable. So, she told the parts to write on the glasses, ‘I am lovable’ and start seeing the world through those glasses.” (The Silent Cries, page 274)

     All of us see the world through our own glasses, and because of our individual issues, the writing on those lenses may differ, and that writing may change from time to time. Usually the lenses through which we see our world, include negative or limiting beliefs about who we are and about our lack of individual worth. Many times those negative beliefs were placed on our glasses as a result of unkind words or behaviors from another person, and we believed what was said—whether it was true or not.
     How can we change these false ideas about ourselves? First, it is helpful picture these glasses in your mind and consciously change the writing to something positive. Then, try to see the world through those new lenses.
     As friends and neighbors, we also have the ability to influence others’ beliefs about themselves by the way we treat them. I am so thankful to all who have shown unconditional love to me over the years and helped me to change the writing on my glasses and who taught me that I am indeed lovable.
     What would you like to have written on the lenses through which you view the world around you?
 
 
HURRY!My Tears Fall Inside” unabridged Audio Book and MP3 CD are on sale at a 30% discount through TODAY, September 2, 2014. 

Audio Book: Reg. $30, only $20.

MP3 CD: Reg. $25, only $17.

Call me, or order from the “Buy Now” page of my website, www.shawnadraper.com

 
 
ONLY ONE MORE DAY!My Tears Fall Inside” Audio Book and MP3 CD. 30% discount through September 2, 2014. HURRY!

Audio Book: Reg. $30, only $20.

MP3 CD: Reg. $25, only $17.

Call me, or order from the “Buy Now” page of my website, www.shawnadraper.com

 
 
      “Janie was a short, petite woman about 40 years old with short dark hair. She was soft spoken and came across as a very kind person. Janie accompanied her daughter to the lesson and while the girl plunked out a tune on the piano, Janie asked, "Shawna, you told me that you write poetry. Would you be willing to share some of your poetry with me?’"
      “I was pleased that she remembered and decided there had to be one or two poems that weren’t too revealing about my life, that I could read to her. I took her upstairs to my bedroom where I had been sorting through my poetry. There were several piles of printed poems spread out all over the floor. Janie quickly glanced around the room with a curious expression on her face and asked, ‘Did you write all of these poems?’”
      “‘Yes.’”
      “‘Why do so many of them have different names as authors?’”
      “I was stunned. I felt like a rabbit caught in a trap. I had forgotten that the poems were written by different parts of me and that I had written the authors' names on some of them. Oh, why had I done this to myself? I was extremely embarrassed and didn't know what to say. How could I explain something as complex as DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder) or MPD (Multiple Personality Disorder) without disclosing way too much? I was determined that I would not fully disclose to someone I hardly knew, so I said, ‘Some bad things happened to me when I was a young child and because I was so young, I created pretend friends, or parts of my personality to hold onto the memories for me and these “parts” wrote some of the poems.’”
      “Janie seemed to take this in stride and said, ‘Oh, you mean like multiple personality? I know someone else who has “parts,” too.’”
      “After she left, I wondered how she would react to me the next time we saw each other. Little did either of us know this awkward introduction to my private world would be the beginning of a very intense journey in which Janie would assume a role she could not have  anticipated.” (The Silent Cries, pages 17-18)

      Many of our blessings come in unanticipated ways. Sometimes we have pre-conceived notions of how God can bless us and if He blesses us in different ways, we don’t see God’s hand. God is much more free to bless us if we do not put boundaries or limits on the ways He can be involved in our lives. Try to trust that God does love you and wants to help you and then take notice when He does. 
 
 
      “Shortly before Dixie and her husband left on their mission, God reassured me that even though Dixie was leaving, more people would be sent to help me. Six weeks after their departure, I knew I was in desperate need of another support person. In fact, on March 2, 1994 I had prayed to the Lord and told him I was in trouble and needed more help and I asked, ‘Where are the people that are supposed to come?’ Little did I know that God already had a person in mind and that she had already been coming to my home."
* * *
      “After my ‘Dixie Mom’ departed to become a missionary in Tonga, I was beyond inconsolable. Dixie had been the one person to whom my child parts had become attached. Her love, concern, and warm embrace had become a reliable pillar in my life, especially for the children within me. Following Dixie's departure, it became necessary to develop relationships with others who were willing to carry a very difficult load as my healing process continued, but my deep-set distrust of others created a continual challenge and God had to direct others to reach out to me.
      “Within a week of my prayer asking God for more help, I was in my home listening to my daughter teach piano to a young neighbor girl. The girl's mother, Janie, was someone I didn’t know well but had spoken to on occasion when she brought her daughter to piano lessons. In fact, just a week earlier I told her that I had written some poetry.” (The Silent Cries, pages 15, 17)

      Often we pray desperately for help from God, and when He sends aid, we don’t even recognize He has sent it. We are so wrapped up in our own problems that we don’t initially see His hand in our lives. Initially this was the case with me. I knew I needed help, but didn’t realize He had already sent someone. Perhaps it is important to not only pray for help, but to pray to recognize that assistance when it is sent. In what ways has God helped you?