“In despair, I thought, ‘Why, when I am finally allowing another person into my life and into my heart - why must we now be separated? Can I really survive this?’ My child parts had a lot to say about this situation in these excerpts from the 1993 writing, ‘October Spring:’
I’m all opened up inside.
I don’t have any armor on anymore
and there isn’t any way to keep me safe
if you go away.
I’m so sad!
I’m so tired of sad!
I’m so tired of hard!
If you aren’t talking to twenty little kids,
all sad and hurting and different ages,
who all try to talk at the same time,
but out of the same mouth--
and every sentence comes from somebody else
and you have to answer a thousand questions
a hundred times each--
because each one has to know.
If you aren’t here,
how can you remember all of us?
Can you remember the ones who hide
or the ones who are so little?
Or the ones who are still so scared
that they only say little things here and there,
and they sneak it in between something else,
cuz they are afraid to get noticed?
And I am saddest of all!
Cuz I tried so hard to keep everybody safe
and I can’t keep everybody inside anymore,
and I’m so scared
because these little kids might get hurt again.
Please help me!
Its too big of a job for me now.
I can’t do it alone anymore!
Most kids finally felt safe enough to talk.
Now all the sad is so big
and everyone wants to talk all the time,
and I can’t keep it straight anymore!
I can’t keep in one subject for long,
And we feel all mixed up
And we don’t trust how we feel,
And where are you?!?
(My Tears Fall Inside, pages 156-158)