“But Sarah did not stand. She continued to sit on the couch to talk to me. In fact, she continued the conversation for another hour before I finally said, ‘Sarah, I was determined not to let you stay up late with me. I was going to leave.’
“She replied: ‘I know. That's why I stayed seated because I could tell that you were not okay. I was not going to stand up and let you leave in the vulnerable state you were in because I knew you were not all right.’”
“I was dumbfounded by the love of this woman. It wasn't until 1:00 or 1:30 in the morning that I finally was able to leave. We both knew that she had to be up very early but as I left she said, ‘Shawna, if you wake up in the next hour and need to talk, call me. If you wake up any time and need me, call me.’ Incredibly, she really meant it!
“I cannot tell you how important it was for me, a person who felt like no one could love me, to have someone sacrifice so much for me. I didn't know where to put it! I was in so much pain; I didn't have a place to put this profound and genuine love. It touched me so deeply, but I couldn't fathom that people could love me that much. There was so much pain, and I seemed to have found places to put that pain (distributed amidst my various parts) but when it came to such incredible love, I had difficulty finding a corresponding place for it. Where were the parts of me split off and dedicated to accepting and feeling overwhelming love? There were none.” (My Tears Fall Inside, pages 129-130)
Sometimes people are in so much pain that they have an inability to accept or trust that someone can actually love them. Such was the case for me at that time. When someone is in that belief state, only time and consistent unconditional love will eventually altar that conviction, but it can change. I now know that people can love me and I can accept that love—thanks to the enduring love of my wonderful friends.