“My husband picked me up and as we drove through town he said, ‘You seem totally different than when I dropped you off.’”
“I asked, ‘What do you mean?’”
"‘You just seem . . . more numb.’"
“My husband and I talked for a while and both decided that I needed to explore the possibility of getting a new therapist. One of the reasons I was open to this change, even though I was uncomfortable, was that I had previously had a similar discussion with my bishop. In that discussion, Bishop Scott told me that he thought I was afraid of my therapist. He asked if I was positive I was seeing the right therapist.
“I came to realize that, with only one exception, I had never been able to feel any emotion with my therapist in all the months I'd been working with him. On the other hand, in only two meetings with my bishop I had felt much more emotion. For some reason, I hadn't felt comfortable allowing myself to feel and express my emotions in the presence of the therapist. In my situation, where the expression of emotions was so critical, that was not a good sign. I found a new therapist!
“Being numb and suppressing my emotions was becoming a big problem in my healing journey. Numb Nancy was a part who split off from me at age five, but who re-surfaced as an adult during my marriage. Five-year-old Numb Nancy described the situation very well:
(By Numb Nancy, Age 5 - 1991)
Nobody hurts me
cuz I don’t let them.
And if they do
I can’t feel it.
I know a trick
and it works
I just run away from my body
and then I don’t hurt
cuz I made it numb
and it can’t feel
When individuals are numb, it means they are not fine. Being numb is often a symptom that the feelings inside are overwhelming, so “numbing out” is the survival technique. Look around. If you know someone who is numb, reach out to them and you could be as much of a hero to them, as those who reached out to me.